A feeling of loss…

I went back to my old work (the one I quit in order to take care of my kids).  It truly was a terrible place to work.  No organization to speak of; the boss would change his mind and implementation details with no notice.  The software was basically a hodge-podge of badly implemented routines, creating a buggy whole.  New features were added before bugs were fixed.  I could go on.

Still, the problems created some sort of bonding between the developers.  I noticed it even more so when I stepped down from being a (constantly undermined) manager, and rejoined the ranks.  Where is all this going?  Well, when I left yesterday, I could tell I was no longer ‘one of them’, and I wasn’t being let in on all the stuff I used to.  I expected it to happen, after all I don’t see these people everyday anymore.  Still, I left feeling a little emptier.  I missed the feeling of closeness and belonging.  It may be that some of it was simply knowing that I no longer had the daily adult discussions that I missed.  I love my kids, but I really do miss adult company.  Well, enough of that.

I set up our tent in the backyard yesterday, and the boys and Marnie (she insisted) slept in it last night.  I would have joined them, but we couldn’t find the fourth sleeping bag.  They were in there by about 7:30 PM, so I went for a motorcycle ride and then watched a bit of TV and had a scotch.  The kids were super excited, and when I checked on them at 9:30 PM, Marnie and Jared were asleep, but Ryan was wide awake.  I imagine he created quite a problem for Marnie.

I think tomorrow we’ll go for a hike somewhere, and then Halldor (from Vancouver) will come over for a visit.  I think he really wants to use my wireless more than he wants to see us , but that’s okay.

Kushiel’s Avatar (Jacqueline Carey)

Lynn Viehl has a good exercise for sharpening your characterization skills at http://pbackwriter.blogspot.com/2006/06/whats-in-name.html

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